Beat the Shang-Lows!

Interview with Dr. Debi Yohn

You are at home watching your season of “24” in 24 hours, in your sweats.  You feel so tired, even though you slept plenty.  When hungry you prefer to Sherpa-it, because walking outside sounds absolutely exhausting.  The phone rings, you let it go even though it’s your best girlfriend because you are not in the mood to talk.  Congratulations! You are experiencing the Shang-lows.

With the advice of  Dr. Yohn, Counseling Psychologist and Founding Board member of LifeLine Shanghai, we learn ways to identify and battle the Shang-lows.

First thing’s First – Expect that it will happen

Knowing really is half the battle.  Only 8.7% of AWC members surveyed reported never experiencing culture shock.  The vast majority has experienced it to one extent or another.  “Assessment and preparation are the main prevention strategies for culture shock…The family that does well is a family that enjoys adventure, rolls well with the punches, and has a great sense of humor and are not narrow in their thinking” says Dr. Yohn.

Surprise!

“It’s the simplest of things that seem to rock us.  Kinda like the straw that broke the camels back.”  Dr. Yohn advises.  This is evident with our polled AWC members.  The majority of Shang-low’s triggers come from language barriers, the host country’s facilities and people.  With these triggers being everywhere, one can imagine it’s that one extra thing that pushes one over.  “We problem solve day after day and then on a simple challenge we break down.  Why, just because it was one problem too much for that day.  When this happens…No more problem solving for that day unless it’s an emergency.  Laugh and know that you will have a fresh start tomorrow and an idea may come to mind in the mean time.” says Dr. Yohn.

 The Big Issue

The most frequent issue that the LifeLine Shanghai hears are that “People bring their issues with them from their home countries.  The thought is, moving will give a family a new start and everything will be better.  It doesn't happen that way.  The stress of living in Shanghai brings out all the cracks.  So all the issues that were there before you moved, come with you and usually shows itself in a bigger way.”

 Helping Your Spouse

Dr. Yohn explains that “Working Spouses often are facing a lot of stress at work and they come home to a stressed out family.  The working spouse will begin doubting themselves, they will feel frustrated...  things are not done here like they are in the USA.  The work ethic is different, the work environment is different.  The work hours and expectations may be longer and often there is quite a lot of travel. The Working Spouse may become less communicative because they don't want to bring anymore stress to the family so they keep it to themselves.  Often their alcohol intake will increase in the evenings.” 

Dr. Yohn explains several ways to help your spouse get through the shock:

• Try your best to take care of the daily running of the house.  Calling your spouse constantly at work is just adding extra stress to their work stress.  It is okay to involve your spouse if necessary but don't over do it.
• Try to keep the family routine that your family is familiar with. Dinner together and bedtime routines should quickly be put in place.  The kids will feel safer, when the routine returns.  Have family meetings.  Check in with everyone to find out how they are doing.  Remember the kids reflect the parents.  So if you are not adjusting well, your kids may follow suit.

Helping Others

If you notice a friend or a new person “Not leaving the apartment/house, reluctant to venture very far from home, tearful, fearful, nervous, anxious. Depressed.” they may be going through culture shock explains Dr. Yohn.

Based on the AWC members polled, “Friends Inviting Me Out!” was the number one thing a friend could to help one get through culture shock. 

Dr. Yohn gives us a few examples how little things can help others get through this time:

• Be a friend to these new people.  Share your world with them and tell them some of the funny stories when you initially arrived.  We make it look easy after we have been here a while and we forget the newbies are starting from zero.  It helps for them to know we started at the same place.
•  When you go to the store, ask them to come with you.  If there is a group that you always hang around with, introduce new people to the group.  Have your ayi speak to their ayi if this would help.  Answer their questions.  Share your taxi cards. If you have a driver and you know a new person that doesn't, spend a few hours just helping them shop for things that will make their life easier and comfortable.

Helping Yourself

If you are having some of those low days where sadness and anxiety are overcoming you, AWC members polled all advised the best way to beat the lows is to “Get out of the house”.

To help with battling the Shang-Lows here is more great advice from Dr. Yohn: 

• Accept this as part of the transition and know that you will get through it. An AWC members surveyed advises one that “The way you are feeling in a "Shang-low" period is likely transient.”  “Try to take life one day at a time. Realize that you are only in China for a temporary amount of time”. 
• Don't set expectations too high.  Every day, have one challenge you will tackle.  Then reward yourself by escaping into a good fiction novel.  Get a calendar and start writing down when different groups meet: American Women’s Group, SEA, etc...  Make yourself go.  If you don't get out, you will never meet that friend that is waiting to meet you for the first time.
•  Get a Lonely Planet travel book for China/Shanghai.  Initially look at China as a place to explore.  Every weekend, take an excursion to explore one part of Shanghai.
•  Get a "That’s Shanghai" magazine and look at all the clubs in the back.  There is a sailing club, a bicycle club... It goes on and on.  There is so much to do, you just have to decide where to start.  Same for the kids.  Get them involved.
•  Get the internet immediately so you can stay connected to home and to what’s happening in Shanghai.
•  If the adjustment lingers, you might seek professional counseling. Sometimes you might have one child that is having more difficulty than another.  Couple issues may come up with the strain of the move.  It never hurts to get some outside help.

 Those that have the biggest adjustment, often cry the hardest when its time to say goodbye to Shanghai.  It’s hard to believe but it happens.